Today marks the first year anniversary of my subdiaconate ordination, so I have been reflecting after a long year of teaching, family life and ministry. A close and very special friend and companion on the journey has drawn my attention to the amount of time I mention in my blogs about “time”, “timing” and patient trust in God’s time.
Time is a gift and mystery. I have written about “Kairos” and “chronos” but I sense I need to say more. We are born in and into time! We have precious time to live, breath, love, eat, dance, work, have fun, study, play, pray, travel, laugh, cry and the lot. All that we think, do and be, is in time. As we observe the world around us we know too it operates in time. There is a time for everything!
From my experience I am great believer in time and right timing not in the sense of clock watching but more to do with being ready for something or someone. The time for you to read this book which you have had on your shelf for a long time, then time for you to commit to this relationship, time to study, time to change jobs, time to recommit to prayer, time for a new relationship or end one, time to marry, time to have children, time to change, travel, play, go out, take a gap year, study, time to…
But it all depends on the lenses we wear. For the majority of people timing is not something they pay attention to. Things happen for them by chance, luck, maybe a random or a routine exercise. Decisions and actions purely depend on one’s feeling, intellect maybe, hard work only, consultation of others, perhaps luck or even a hunch, a gut feeling or the as old saying goes, you just “go with your heart.”
But we search for meaning in events in our lives and reflecting on “timing” is unavoidable. People who are awake to the spiritual dimension in their lives timing is much more than a coincidence. All these transitions, decisions and commitments are fruits of the Journey of God inside each of us. They are also the fruit of our Journey with and in God. The seed of the Spirit germinates inside each of us guiding us. This is what we term divine providence.
We are being patiently guided lovingly in time. God is Emmanuel, “with us”. God is Love. Our hearts must be tuned into love. Yet Grace operates at the depth of our being. We need time to grow but it seems that is exactly what makes us anxious.
We want to have things yesterday. We want out quickly. We simply underestimate that we need time to be ready. Ready to heal especially and recommit. Our anxieties and fears either rushes or delays us. We simply feel like we are always running out of time.
We also underestimate how much time healing needs to take place. We look to fill the gap unaware that we need time to grieve and be ready for the next phase in the journey.
From my experience I cannot tell you how many times I thought I wanted something but the timing was not right. It manifested itself in relationships. How a particular relationship filled with love was not at the right time, i.e. We were not ready for it to be transformed into marriage and at the right time another relationship matured into a marriage.
Even now in my vocation, how I remember the first time in 2006, I began this journey of discernment and how I thought I will be priest overnight. How I thought I was ready then and there. How I have learnt that growth needs time. I was not mature enough to develop at a point in time.
This is even clearer even in a relationship that cannot mature into something you want or feel drawn to because of timing and circumstances. Here the only response is trust and gratitude.
I guess what I am calling myself to do is to trust. Trust in God’s timing. Trust in Love present in all things for God is in all things. There is nowhere profane or holy that God is not present. Now that is hard. Trust in where and whom I am being led by. Radical trust. That’s hard for all of us. Trust in the Spirit.
Trust that even among my messiness and tardiness, that I am on a journey. Also I need to learn that God works slowly in my life. Not because God is slow but rather because I am a slow learner or slow grower. I mean we take 13 years to get a school education and for some professions over 10 years of tertiary education. We need time to absorb, learn and grow in wisdom, knowledge and grace.
I also want to warn not to get over analytical and obsessive about the right time. Most of life’s decisions are made automatically but what I am referring to are significant decisions. That’s where at least trust begins.
This is never easy to learn to trust in the slow work of God. The key lies in learning from Jesus who says to Nicodemus “The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.” (Jn 3:8). Ah how hard it is to trust the sound of the Spirit, the voice of love in the midst of all the noise around us.
Then again when the timing is right we will.
Hayne!!!
Burning Hearts 