Do you Love me?

A reflection on Jesus’ appearance to Peter by the Sea of Tiberias according to the Gospel of John. (Read John 21:15-19)

How often do children ask their parents and parents ask their children this question “do you love me?”. Even siblings, partners and spouses ask each other endlessly whether one loves the other.

I have been married for over five years and have experienced this question asked of me and me asking it of my wife, more than I can count.

I often wonder why do we ask the question so much. Why do I ask it often? Or more importantly why do we want to hear the answer to that question all the time. Children, adults, friends, lovers all want to hear: “Yes… I love you”.

Is it insecurity? The need for reassurance? Is it fear, lack of trust or uncertainty? Is it that we feel the other no longer loves us? Or is it guilt and the need to be forgiven? Or is it that we never get enough of love?

The better side of me thinks the latter! We are made and born for love and we never get enough of it. It is food for our soul and without love, we die. Love is in our DNA, it is the oxygen we breath. We all need to love and be loved.

Just observe those who lack authentic love and see how they behave. See how much they seek love and attention in all sorts of ways. See how children seek and light up when they are loved.

But surely after reading the Gospel you may ask, does Jesus need Love? Well Jesus became fully human and experienced all things and shared all things with us except sin. And the desire to be loved is not sin. It is intrinsically human.

But the Gospel today is not about Jesus as much as it is about Peter. The beauty of Jesus is that He he gets us. He knows us to the core. And He came and revealed to us that God is personal, that God cares about each and everyone of us.

After the resurrection he wanted to assure His disciples, so when Thomas doubted Jesus came personally to him, when Mary Magdalen was lost at the empty tomb, He came personally to her and called her by name, and now He comes personally to Peter who is suffering from the guilt of denying Him three times.

Peter needed to hear himself saying “Lord… I love you”. He needed to hear himself and believe that His love for Jesus is deeper than his denial. Hence his answer, “you know everything and you know that I love you”… can further mean “You know that my love for you is deeper than my denial”. He needed to hear that Jesus trusted him again to feed His sheep, that Jesus has not abandoned him and given up on him.

The biggest scar that sins leaves in us is that we doubt ourselves, we doubt that we are good people. We doubt that that we are worthy of Love. We doubt our true identity born “in the image of God” and that we are sons and daughters of God. We think we do not deserve to be loved. So we feel the need to ask “do you love me?” We also doubt whether we can love. The devil always drives us to the realm of unworthiness. We are not worthy is what the enemy wants us to believe.

Yet Jesus came to tell us that we are “the beloved” children of God with whom He is pleased with. Indeed Our Lord is merciful and He knows that the only medicine that restores our health is that of Love. All other treatment is temporary.

Yes Lord, I am capable of loving and being loved. Yes Lord, You know everything, You know my weaknesses but You know that I love you… Let me follow you…